you are simply too sweet'

2010-10-29T00:57:00.001+08:00

I have moved to HEARTFREEDOM.WORDPRESS.COM !!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-03-12T17:42:00.002+08:00

don't wish to count how long i have not been blogging.

but i feel real good today.

because i passed my TP.haha was expecting to fail.with so many random situations.raining and the stupid taxi suddenly stopped in front of me.but my examiner is so good! he passed me.and he is so cute.times where he asked me to turn left,he will rise up his hand and point left all the way until i turn left.

finally,I AM WITH A DRIVING LICENSE.don't need to waste any more money in learning.

YEAH! :)

2010-03-01T12:37:00.001+08:00

Testing testing 123

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-01-14T00:59:00.003+08:00

wow it has been so long that i last blogged.

2010,with new hopes and better dreams.

i have received the exam time table.freak out!(i need study buddies!) first paper on 5may and last on 13may,when i am supposed to fly off to US (my wonderland) on 13may! now,if i screw up my papers,i will be super sure that my 3months at US will be terrible.

supposed to enjoy a new life there,if i screw up,i will be worrying about my results.because i will be receiving back my results when i come back from US.

totally look forward to my US trip.though it is going to be 3months there,i will miss my boyfriend,my family,my girlfriends and singapore nice food! can't wait to go shopping there.cheap coach and kate spade.

going to work 2months there and have one whole month to myself.shopping shopping shopping with JANICE SOH and TAN WAN TING! although we just came back from shopping at KL.haha more overseas shopping trips to be planned =)

but first, let me clear my first year modules first and promote me to year2 please!

2009-11-19T20:18:00.002+08:00

the feeling is bad!

i just quarreled with my mum.the first time after so many years.
i tried to give in.but that's my limit.

okay.it is natural for parents to dote the youngest the most.i can understand.i know i am the eldest,so i must give in to my sister.

yes.i have come to terms with it.but at times,they are really biased.true to say,my sister has a bad temper.no one can tolerate it.at times when she throws her temper,everyone will give in to her.everytimes when she wants something,she will demand it from me.reason because i am working,so i have the money to buy things for her.

my parents always side her and think that i should give in to her.

but PLEASE! have anyone spare a thought for me?i am paying everything myself.my driving lessons.my braces.my overseas trips and more.

i just don't understand that why they can give in so much to her,but not me?
why didn't they dote me as much as how they dote my sister?

now,the problem is not on my sister,though i did complained abit.it is on my parents.can't they just treat us equally?i know it is childish of me to post this entry and complain about this.
we are all equal.they have strict rules on me,can't they do that on my sister?

whenever i talk to them about this,they will only say "times are different now,you cannot do it in the same way as it was in the past."

what kind of rubbish is it?! yes,i know children nowadays have their own mindsets.so... ...?!

they are just being biased and trying to find excuses for their own acts.

dumb ass!

2009-09-13T20:52:00.002+08:00

isn't she pretty?

mr koh bought it for me as my birthday present!!!

i have waited so long and now,she is mine!!!

happy.happy.happy.

2009-09-02T00:39:00.003+08:00

it is time to take a deep breath.

i want everything.yet i have no time for everything.

school work is piling up.econ is horrible.i have been crashing lots of lectures the past few weeks, just to ensure that i know my work well and hopefully can get distinction for all my modules this year.

uni life.boyfriend.friends.work.

it is far too much to handle at one go.

first,uni life.
i am glad that i know a group of friends who are very hardworking and have been studying real hard.i started to feel that i am taking things too easy.concepts to be understood.work to be done.though it is not as stressed as a level.but i really hope that i can complete this last step of education nicely.

second,boyfriend.
for those who know me well,should know that i am happily attached to Mr Koh. he is nice and sweet to me.1 year plus.that's how long we have been together.
in the month of august,we quarreled twice.it is our highest record of no. of times we quarreled after we have been together for so long.but we patched back real soon after the quarrel.my classmate says that we are still at the honeymoon stage.YES,i agree.we are still so sweet together and this honeymoon period is going to last.
however,there were times when i was left with myself, i started tearing.stress?sadness?pms?i cant explain why too.but i just know that i miss him.
he has started schooling and work.this applies to me too.i am studying and working too.the possibility for us to meet is 1 out of 7days.the average time we chat on phone every day is 30min.the average sms we have to each other is less than 15 each day.
i don't know.will our feelings for each other fade one day?
at times, when i feel that i have so much things to tell him, our conversation will usually end before i manage to tell him anything.i understand.he is tired after a long day of work.i understand.he is busy working and save up.and i am also busy working and save up for my braces too.maybe we have neglected each other when we are moving on too fast in our lives.
hopefully,we will meet up more often after everything is stable.

third,friends.
came across some friends' blogs recently.i then realized that we really need some meet up sessions.last time in jc,we got to meet each other everyday.talked to each other about what happen.doing work together.mug hard for a level together.now,we are all in different uni,pursuing different things in life,we tend to miss out every little part of our friends' lives.
yes,we need time to meet up.yet,we are all lacking of time.

last,work.
i have recently taken up a job.introduced by my ex uob colleague.working as a PA(personal assistant) now.life is good there as i have flexible working hours.i can go after school.basic + bonus.

life is packed now.with everything i want.i agree that i am greedy.i want everything to be placed into my life at one go.sometimes i think,is my life too packed that i have missed out some beautiful moments in life?

2009-07-26T20:28:00.000+08:00

suddenly have an urge to post.

my mind is in a mess.

school is starting soon.seeing all my friends getting into local uni,i feel bad.

"why didn't i work harder?"

local uni and private uni.everyone is fighting for local uni.

if i were to choose engineering courses in local uni, i definitely can get in.but that's not what i want in life.

my dream,my hope is to get into business or banking related course.

it is the fact that my a level results can't get me into those courses in local uni.i can only choose private uni.

but...

in general,when you tell people that you are from NUS/NTU/SMU,people will be like "wow,so smart!"
when you tell people that you are from a private uni,people will be like "not too bad."
do you see the different?

interest and the acknowledgement you get when you are from local uni.you got to choose one.

in march,i never thought of choosing courses for the sake of acknowledgement. but now, i start to ponder.

will interest get you far in life?

i will not want to do something that will bore me in uni life.i want to do something that interests me.

argh,confused.

but it is too late, i am already going to sim.starting school in one week's time.

all my colleagues think that i am stupid to retake a level.neither do i want to waste the time.what if i can't score well?

but the devil and the angel in me are fighting again.yes or no.right or wrong.i just can't decide.
i know it is irritating.i am always on this topic since april.but i just can't settle my mind down.

even if you get a first class degree in sim, it is just equivalent to a pass in local uni.

i found myelf lost in life.

2009-05-26T22:38:00.002+08:00

i don't want to live in regrets.

i may seem to be someone who can always take things so easily.okay with anything.easy going.always happy.
but i am not.

i used to take things very lightly.even if it is something that give me negative feelings, i will just hide it aside and eventually i will forget about it.

but now,i start to feel that it is already the last lapse of my life being a teenager, it is time to plan my future properly.

"small investments that bring in big returns."

i got into UOL Banking and Finance.months ago,i had already expected it.weeks ago,i was still okay with it.but now,it doesn't seem to be that way.

i can't breathe.the pressure is pressing far too hard on me.

it is again the topic on admission to university.

i was thinking of retaking my a level again.and pursue my dream once again.

"will it be the same results again?"
i have no confidence.
i have come so far.not me alone.but together with all my besties and teachers.
with all the practices and the encouragements we used to give each other.
i am afraid that i will not be able to step onto the a level path again.myself and alone.
should i just do with what i am given with now?
but i know.i will definitely regret one day.
that is not what i am always aiming on.

hope i wish.there is someone there to give me the right answer to my life.
but i know.
that is my life.
i choose the way i live.
i choose the path i take.
i choose the future that i want to have.

live with what i have now.
graduate in 2012.when i am 22.
give it a try.
retake a level in 2010.get my a level results in 2011.graduate in 2014.when i am 24.

2years of youth.
to be exchanged with the regrets.
2years of youth.
it is not too much.
guys spend 2years in army.
a friend of mine spend 6years to graduate from secondary school.
from normal stream to express stream.just for something he always wants.
now he is doing what he loves in poly.
do i even have the courage to be like him?
restart it all over again.

even if i am going to retake my a level again.
this journey will not be easier.but even harder.
i will be doing my UOL cert together with a level.
double studies.double amount of work.double of efforts put in.

can i live the life that i want?

2009-05-26T09:13:00.002+08:00

without any soul.
i am so tired of my life.

how i wish i can just be myself.

came across this particular blog yesterday night.after reading that blog,a thought struck me.i was thinking why i am borned to this world?i am fortunate to say that at least my parents are not giving me any form of stress,regardless of financial or on studies.

but i am still feeling stress living in this red dot... ...

i asked myself last night, when will all these stop? when can i stop entertaining people around me? i start to feel that i am losing myself.the true me. when can i remove the fake mask of mine,together with everyone's.

several encounters made me realized that i start to lose some of my friends.not in terms of physical or maybe i should put it in primary school terms "don't friend you anymore".

is it because of the environment?the society?the friends we hang up with?or it is just "WE HAVE TO GROW UP ONE DAY"?

we are all no longer who we were one year ago...

2009-05-07T00:11:00.004+08:00

in the process of breaking down.

let's start with my photo shoots yesterday 5/5/2009
it is horrible.the blogshop owner is horrible too.
i woke up around 6am and when i was about to leave the house,she msg me and told me that the shooting is cancelled.so i was like "WTH?!"
so i msg minshan and felt so bad that she woke up so early just for me and now the shooting was cancelled.
so we went for breakfast and went town for some shopping.
we first went to face shop and we spent $150plus.just on facial products.
and we bought shorts and i bought dress too.
i could have buy more dresses.
but had to rush to tuition so... no choice.

guess what.i just visited that stupid blogshop owner's web.she got herself another model.so pissed.i guess she was just lying to me and just want to change to another model.
what makes me more pissed is that she msged me today and accused me for being troublesome when I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
the blogshop is http://www.goblinmarket.sg/
shop owner: krissy.
if you ever visit her shop and want to get something from her,i will not stop you.but i just think that she don't deserve earning the money from you.
girls,do try other blogs.i bet what she has,other blogshops have it too.

6.5.2009
went to work today.
don't know why.
i just enjoy working today.
crapping with coreen and have fun with other colleagues.

met up with my boyfriend after work for dinner before he books in.
don't know why.
i feel the stress pressing onto me.
20may is coming soon.
i haven't got any news from any uni.
which means my hope in getting to any uni is getting lesser.
what if i can't get into any uni.
what if not even SIM?
i told my boyfriend how i feel.
he gave me his opinion.
i really don't know what to do.
i almost cried in front of him.
but i stopped.
because we were at public place.
i feel like retaking my a level.
but i can't take it this year.
only next year.
this year registration has closed.
which means i am going to waste another year?
i told wanting.
she says,"no point wasting my time."
i told char.
she says,"don't think so much first.wait for the uni result first."
i told my dad.
he says,"anything.only if you are happy doing it."
i told my boyfriend.
he says,"whatever you do,i will always support you."
i asked myself.
"am i disciplined enough to study hard in the coming 19months if i am going to retake next year?am i very foolish to waste a year or should i just go for private uni?

i just can't make up my mind.
but definitely,there is no uni willing to accept me.
wanting just told me.even AAB students can't get into faculty of business.
omg.
then what will happen to me?
DIE LOR.

i really can't take it anymore.
why am i so stupid?

2009-05-04T20:11:00.006+08:00

argh.i am feeling nervous now.

i am going for photo shoots tml.going to be the model for a blogshop.

i got notified last week that i was selected to go for this shooting.i was caught in the dilemma.i feel like going to try and have fun.my friends and colleagues encouraged me to go.

but... ...

boyfriend doesn't like.i don't wish to do things that he doesn't like.

for me,he gave up the opportunity of being a bartender.

for him,i will give up.just for him,just to see him smile.because it just warms my heart.

our one year anniversary is coming soon.it is just so soon.we plan to go overseas together and have some moments to ourselves =) his 21st birthday is coming soon too.i'm giving him a surprise.(shhhh... don't let him know.because he seldom reads my blog.busy in camp ^.^ )

thinking back.we went through so many moments together.

we have been friends for a year before we got together.
at the beginning,we just can't accept the differences between us.
at that time,he was super busy with his camp.i could only meet him once every fortnightly.
i felt insecured at that time.maybe because we just started out.
he was planning to go for future studies.
i was busying with my a level.
when he was free to meet me,i was busy mugging.
when i was free to meet him,he was busy with his outfields.
one day,he requested break up.
i still remembered,i was sitting at a corner at bukit gombak mac studying.
i was stunned when i read his msg.
not really shocked.
because he hinted me few days before that.
but i just can't stop my tears flowing.
minshan was there with me.
she consoled me and said,"maybe it is really the time to give up."
i convinced myself.maybe it is really the time to concentrate on my own things and let him go.
that one month was really torturing.
i just can't stop myself msging him.
but i just scared that he thinks i am very irritating.
so i told myself.a msg a day.
i am glad that i did those that time and didn't gave up.
he is back with me again.
and we both think that the one month really pulls us closely together again.
now,thinking back.i will still smile to myself.feeling sweet inside.

when i am sick,he will wrap me up like a mummy with his blanket.
when he is sick,i force the medicine down his throat.
when i burp,he laugh at me and say i am a dirty girl.
when he burp,i will cover his mouth.

when we go out,it is just so coincidental that we will wear the same colour of clothes.
when we quarrel,he will give in to me.
when we go out for meals,he will steal my food.
(no wonder you are getting fatter and i am getting thinner!!!)
when i am frowning,he has his own ways to make me smile.
when i am feeling stress,he just lend me his ears.
when he sleeps and snores,i will pinch his nose.
when i cook for him,he will definitely finish up everything.
when i make cookies and chocolate for him,he will give me comments for me to improve.

he often brings me out to everywhere with our baby.
his friends' birthday parties
shopping
good food
it is just so sweet of him.

hope our relationship will not end so soon.
remember our plan for the future?
let's make it come true.
you and me.
i love you

2009-04-12T00:36:00.001+08:00

argh.

i think i got lung infection again.fever is coming on and off.

don't mistake.i don't smoke.

feverish.

2009-04-05T16:22:00.002+08:00

when will you ever tell me how you feel?

you always thought i know.
but i don't know.

2009-04-01T22:32:00.005+08:00

i realized.
i lost myself in the process of growing up.

first day at UOB raffles.i don't like there.

i started to miss my colleagues at Bukit Timah.
i miss the fun we used to have.
i miss all the fb games we played during work.
i miss all the eating sessions.
i miss...
jen,benedict,adrian,stanley,kelvin,waikit,elene,timothy,max,susan,patricia,pauline and MELISSA.
i miss her the most because she taught me a lot of things that i never expect myself to know.
regret.
taking half day yesterday.and didn't take any photo with the team.

i am again back to those moments when i really have nothing to do at work.
you may think "good what,get paid to slack"
but it is very boring.
i hate those times.
those days at bukit timah had passed.
thoses days at raffles is just about to start.

at first i was allocated to a seat that was very far from the bosses.
good.
at least they cant see me play games during work.
but.
it was stacked with all kinds of rubbish.
you name it,i can find it there.
water kettle,umbrella,boxes and more.
i don't want to sit there.
so chris(my boss) changed my seat.
he arranged me to a seat that was so near his.
but it was sparkling clean.no one sat there before.
i was alone there.
my colleagues were all sat far from me.
i was really bored to death.

i went to the morning meeting with my boss this morning
i was required to take minute for her.
we started with self introduction.
when my colleagues knew that i was 19 only.
they were shocked.
do i really look that old?

i lost all the laughters that i used to have.
i hate to grow up.

2009-04-01T00:16:00.002+08:00

today is my last day at UOB Bukit Timah.tomorrow is my first day at UOB Raffles.

nervous.

anyways i received a cute present from my colleagues today.even though i have only been there for a short period of time,they are really nice to me and taught me a lot of things that i will never have a chance to learn if not for this job.

should have wrote a card to them.

regret.

2009-03-29T00:48:00.003+08:00

went out with wanting to town today.i broke my record. SHOPPING RECORD!!! i spent $180 today.let's have a look at my shopping record.

first: $500 a day in town
second:$220 a day on a bag
third:$180 a day on office clothings(28/03/2009)

i admit i am a shopping queen.100% real shopping queen.

we went to town to look for my office clothings.i cant afford to wear any more short skirts to office from next wed onwards.because i am moving to UOB HQ at raffles next wed and i am assigned to sit near the bosses.so... ... must wear more formal and decent.

and i realize.my colleagues are true to mistake me as a 24year old girl when i am wearing office wears.even wanting agreed to that too.hai =( i don't wish to grow up so fast and look so old.hmm that's why i didn't put any make up when i go office.

i bought 2office skirts.knee cap level.so long!!!! one blouse and a pair of heels that i wanted to buy so much a month ago.but my bf refused to let me buy.it is too expensive.64dollars for a pair of shoes.but i finally got my heels today.so happy!!! show you guys my pretty heels' photo next time.together with my office outfit and you will know how old i look.

yesterday went for stingray(my favourite food) with bf.then we went to jp.i cant find that heels there.out of stock.but the nice shop keeper helped me to call other outlets and managed to reserve a pair for me at marina square.that's why i went to marina square today to collect my favourite shoes.

we had swensens for our dinner at marina square.it was so romantic.because it was the earth hour when we were having dinner.no lights.only candles.and light sticks for the swensens staffs.so cool.i wonder how much energy we had conserved for that one hour.i will upload the photos soon =)

bf is working today.as bartender.at one of the bars in sentosa siloso beach.

hey you.
take care of yourself okay.
no glancing at girls.
no overdose of drinking.
behave yourself.

tomorrow need to wake up early again.it is sunday.morning got tuition.

rest early.

2009-03-22T19:13:00.002+08:00

it has been so long since i ever spend my sunday at home.

guard duty for him.guard home duty for me.

i wanted to meet ms and go out.intended to spend my sunday fruitfully with shopping.but i changed my mind.have to save up for my braces and my overseas trip.

so i just sat in front of my lappy.thinking.thinking of everything under the sun.i am missing my jc life.missing all my friends.but i just can't find any time to meet out with them.we are all busy.

2009-03-19T22:30:00.002+08:00

i really enjoy my job!!!!

it started out so boring and now,everyday i am so busy that i can hardly breathe at work.has to work against time.prepare documents and handle investment stuffs.i love my job.

time really flies.i am ending this job soon.i am going to be so sad and don't bear to leave UOB Bukit Timah.nice people nice environment.i wonder when i can see them again. ARGH!!!

don't wish to see 8th may coming so soon..

2009-03-18T23:09:00.000+08:00

do you think i should put braces?

2009-03-13T22:48:00.002+08:00

he will never know.
whenever i am feeling low,
he is not there.
i am not throwing temper.
neither am i being sensitive.
it is just that... ...

i need you to be there.

when will you realize it?

2009-03-10T22:13:00.003+08:00

with a tired soul now.

worked 9 to 6 today.still went for tuition after work.i am so disappointed with my tuition kid.she scored so badly for her exam.i feel sad too.

during work today,my boss asked me what courses i am taking and which uni i am going.she encouraged me to try all and even listed out all the good courses (which i can apply for) for me.she is so nice.somemore i take leave for this thursday again.i feel so bad.keep taking off.almost every week,i will take a day off.haha

tomorrow is coming.bf is coming to fetch me from work.so sweet of him.

the jam at bukit timah area is so bad.he still offered to fetch me from work.he fetched me on monday too.at first we wanted to go for some bak ku teh.but the store was closed.so we went bukit timah food center.

laska.satay.fried cockles noodles.dou hua.

how i wish i could have more such moments with you.
maybe only after your ord.
boyfriend.
see you tomorrow.
my boyfriend and our baby.

2009-03-07T00:48:00.003+08:00

caught in a dilemma.

i am happy and yet sad.

i don't know what i am talking about now.but i am emo-ing now.

i am happy because i pass all subjects and GENERAL PAPER too.come to think about it,i was the last for gp in prelims.now,i am getting a C.i am happy.and i cried upon seeing my result.i admit.tears of joy.

after some moments of thinking.i am sad because i am disappointed and my grades can get me nowhere.is it because i didn't work hard enough?or is the god playing a prank on me?i seem to lose my direction in life now.going to SMU is always my dream and it turns out to be my disappointment now.

tears just flow out without me myself realising it.

one,who always motivates the people around her,needs to motivate herself and keep herself going now.

my friends are doing much better than i do.they have much choices to choose from.but not me.i just can't stop myself to feel down and inferior.

i know."when one door closes,the other door opens.it's not the end yet."

but i just can't stop myself thinking.

leave her alone.she will be fine soon.
do not console her.she will only feel worse.
she will be fine alone.
soon enough when she finds her way out of the dark... ...

my boss called.my bf's mum called.my aunt called.
just to ask about my results.

my boss was nice.she encouraged me to try SMU first.

my bf's mum called to congrats me that i passed everything.thanks.

my irritating aunt called.just to compare me with her that "FABULOUS" son.still dare to call me TWICE.irritating freak.

thinking back.UOL was my dream during secondary4 life.SMU was my hope during jc life.i am just going back to my secondary4's dream.most probably i am going for UOL.because SMU is out of my reach.

she will be strong when she knows it's reality.
she will smile when she wakes up from her dream of tears.

now is the time.
i really wish you were here.
for once.
just let me be the small girl.
just let me cry behind your back.
covering my red and swollen eyes.
not to let anyone see.

2009-03-04T22:59:00.007+08:00

argh friday is coming.which mean dooms day is coming soon. i just hope that i will do well.and get into a decent uni. THAT'S ALL.

hmm this few days.job is not stable!!!

don't get my message wrong. i mean sometimes very busy.sometimes very slack that i went facebook just to play games.i am really very lazy to keep another account which is similar as friendster.i just want a facebook account to play games and keep myself entertained during work.

hmm nothing to blog about.show you some photos =)

i know i know.my mirror is very dirty and it's time to clean it.haha actually it is not my mirror.but i just "borrow" my colleague's one to take a photo. (^.^) my C902 very pretty right?red in colour.i love it so much!!!!

can you see the words on the mirror? it writes "is there anything else i can help you with". hmm this is truly 100% a UOB mirror.all my UOB colleagues have it.cute right? how i wish i can bring this mirror home as SOUVENIR after i end this job.hehe

my nice colleague Jiana baked this orea cheesecake for us on monday.it really melt in your mouth.secret recipe cheesecake may even lost to her.

actually she baked this cake for Joel.UOB Bukit Timah TSO (treasury specialist officer).a handsome guy.but married.so sad that i didn't took any photo with him that day.but i told him.i asked him to wait for me for 4years.i will see him again after i graduate.i will work in UOB and replace his position as TSO.haha (provided i manage to get into a decent uni after getting results this fri.hai.)

take a look at my drawer!!!! i really live up to my name.i admit i am a glutton.my drawer is full of snacks and cookies.what you are seeing now is only a small part of my drawer.don't feel shocked =)

my favourite peanuts!!!!

okay.enough of all the food.that's all for now.

my dear.
first day of your last outfield.
enjoy it.
even though it will be tough.
have to eat those canned food.
and the expired bread.
take care.
don't get diarrhoea.
it is raining these few days.
take care.
don't catch cold.
really can't wait for your ord.
more time to spend with you.
no longer need to stay at home.
more shopping.yeah
i finally understand why some people say
bf in army.
time is so precious.
i love you.

2009-03-02T00:09:00.003+08:00

i almost cried this afternoon.freaked out.

i misplaced my phone without me myself realising it.i forgot where i placed it.what i can remember is that i asked my boyfriend to take it for me.and THAT'S ALL.

i met him for lunch straight after my 4hours of tuition.hungry.because i didn't had my breakfast before my tuition.we agreed to meet at cwp.but he was late.i think one hour late?worse than me.hmm but i was busying "shopping" in the popular so didn't care much too.

we went to buy movie tickets then was lunch-ing together.we bought movie tickets for 5.15pm so we decided to go home first.pack his out field things.he almost bought everything in the NTUC!!! really must salute him and his doreamon army bag.can really stuff everything in.

it's your last outfield.
enjoy yourself.
and do not forget to take care.
another two more weeks.
i can only meet you two weeks later.
i will miss you my love.

we went for movie after that.i only realised my phone was MIA when i sat down in the theatre and getting ready to watch "kungfu chef".seriously,totally no mood.

i panicked.i feared.i prayed.

just to hope that i didn't lost my phone.didn''t got pick pocketed again.hoping that i left my phone at bf's house.but no one was at home.no one to check it for me.the 1h 30min was really torturing.

i think he sensed my fear.that he even suggested that we should go home immediately and not watching the movie anymore.

but... ... it's a SUNDAY.movie tickets cost us $20.so damn ex.so i decided to hide my fear and anxiety and sat still beside him so that he would not worry so much for me.

boyfriend.
thanks for all the efforts to joke with me.
just not to make me feel so anxious and scared.
thanks for holding me tight.
just to give me the assurance that it was not lost.

we dashed home straight after the movie.it was at his computer desk.i finally felt relieved.

my boyfriend keep nagging me.complaining how blur i am.how forgetful i can be.but I AM NOT.it's just that... ... something just slip out of my mind.and that's why i am so blur and forgetful. (^.^)

okay i have learnt my lesson.

that's enough for a day.got to rest now.tml got meeting =( need to reach branch by 8 30am.

argh.

2009-02-25T20:19:00.004+08:00

let me show you how fat i am getting to.

lor mee early in the morning!!!! my colleague BENEDICT is treating ALL OF US. when i say all of us,it mean TWENTY TWO of us.

it is tasty.but there is CHILLI. =( i don't like chilli and it took me one and a half hour to finish the whole bowl.because it is just simply so hot.

time passed very fast today.was raining in the afternoon.so cold in the air con room.on the way home,i saw something.

nice rainbow.but my boyfriend is not there with me to see this.

i miss you.

2009-02-24T22:40:00.005+08:00

21 february 2009--saturday.

wanted to go running today.but i didn't.kind of expected.i was so lazy and yet i feel so fat.

monday to friday,9 to 6.in UOB Bukit Timah.boring =( but at least i have a group of nice colleagues and always tempt me with good food.not once,not twice,but everyday.that's why i am feeling so fat.starting to feel the tummy now.

i lazed in my bed until 12plus then wake up.then met my boyfriend's jie jie (yuting) to go shopping.because he is not booking out this week,so i have to find my own event.

one week has already made me miss you like mad.
now,you can only book out once every fortnightly.
unbearable.
cant wait to see you ord soon.
14 june,i am waiting.

jie jie and i went wisma.i met her around 3.wow she looked gorgeous in her make up and night gown.that stupid wan ting said that i looked like jie jie's maid when i stood beside her.so sad.because jie jie was going for her friend's wedding dinner,so wear until so nice.then two of us went shopping like no one's business.HAHA because my boyfriend is not around.no one to stop me shopping.we stood in a shop for like 1hour plus.i bought a skirt.jie jie bought 4items.super cheap!!!! got 20%,30%,50%,70% discount respectively.

originally,jie jie's one dress already cost her $117 but after all the discounts,4items only cost her $135,so damn cheap!!! then jie jie went off around 6pm,i went to look for janice,wan ting and wan yi for movie.

truthfully speaking, the movie "he is not that into you" is a nice show.very nice and sweet.at first i thought it was a girls show.so didn't intend to watch with him.but at some parts of the movie,i really wish he was just there beside me.and maybe experiencing all the sweet moments,just like what it was shown in the movie.but,he was busy serving the army.being his girlfriend,i have to be understanding.just like what i have promised him.

my love.
i wish to spend every moment with you.
but just like we always say.
we are all busy with our own stuffs.
we cant be so selfish.
this is just a learning process.
learn to be understanding enough for you to love me.

then we walked around the town after the movie.and that's my saturday without my boyfriend.

22 february 2009 -- sunday.

as usual.sunday morning got tuition.but today's lesson was longer.because from today onwards,i am coaching the brother too.4 hours straight.

my phone rang with our picture showing as the contact picture.boyfriend msged me.he was in NUH.omg.i was at the mid of the lesson,but i cant stop my mind thinking about him,i cant stop my heart worrying about him.

im my mind,it's all you.
not that i am missing you.
but,i am worried.
are you alright?

wanted to go study with erwin after tuition but last minute i cancelled it.i felt so guilty.but i just cant stop myself worrying for him.he injured his wrist.internal bleeding.

i went straight to his house to find him after my tuition.just to give myself some assurance.thanks god.he was fine.

spent the whole afternoon nagging at him.complaining about how he didn't take good care of himself.i am just worried.even though it's just a minor incident,i just don't want to see my boyfriend being so careless and injure himself.

he got 2days of mc.wanted to accompany him more.but i am working the next day.and somemore it's a monday.got meeting at 8 30.argh.=(

23 february 2009 -- monday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,KESTER!!!!

24 february 2009 -- tuesday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,KOKYAN!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY,JOVAN!!!

my boss is such a nice lady.

make me feel so guilty.i have been taking off quite often recently.today i went to request to take off again.and she agreed without asking why.i feel so bad.

at the beginning,working at UOB BUKIT TIMAH was so boring.nothing much for me to do.everyday i just online shop and play games.now,as the things get more and more familar to me,i start to feel busy.i feel honoured to have the chance to work here and have the opportunity to work with this bunch of nice colleagues.even though they are all older than me,we just mingle around like what a group of friends will do.in the time to come,i am ending my job soon.8th may will be my last day.because the other colleague is coming back on the 11th may.even though boss asks me to stay until 30 june,i still feel bad because there will be sufficient manpower after my colleague come back from her maternity leave.

i went for my tuition lesson after work today.i saw someone that looks like him.alan teo.even though we have ended,two of us have found our own love now,i still think of him at times.not that i still have feelings for him.it's just because of the memories.not that i have not given up on him,it's just because of the past.3years may seem short to you guys.but for me and him,3years are long enough.for us to learn,for us to change for the better and for us to experience.when i saw the alan teo-look alike,i turned away.all because that i feel guilty.i feel bad.

"all i can pay back to you
it's only to pray that you will truly find your true love and will never get hurt again.
all the best to you and your gf."

2009-02-16T19:36:00.008+08:00

v day has just passed.

it is not a very big or special day for me and him.because that dumb believes that everyday is a valentine day.

hmmm i got him a fossil watch.a big blue one.shall upload the photo next time =) actually it wasn't a surprise when i got him the watch because I BROUGHT HIM OUT TO BUY.that dumb dear always like those kind of big big watches (which only those 30plus year old uncles will like).that's why i always call him MY 30YEARS OLD DEAR.

as for me,it's a pleasant surprise for me.he got me a citigem diamond necklace.keep on insisting that it was made of real diamond.but true enough,it comes with an authentic proven cert.i bet he is still feeling sore about that time when his friend said that he always buy crystal necklace.

dar,
presents need not be so expensive.
it need not be authentic proven too.
as long as i know.
you are true to me.
it is more than enough.

but...the card he wrote to me is NOT NICE! he spelt my name wrongly.i think i need to change my name because of him.always call me xinghui not xinhui.even though it sounds the same,it does not appear to be the same when he wrote it down.

we went for japanese cuisine together with his bunk mates and their girlfriends.4couples date.but at least i got to know more of your friends.the food was nice.nice squids.nice sushi.nice ambience and nice you.

shall we go again next time?
and please be nice.
i want more squids.

to my dearest love,
i had always be there for you regardless of good or bad.
let me continue to be the one.
the first and only one.
i promise.
i will not let go of you.
even if you do ever let go of me.
i will do my best to treat you better.
and also to bully you at the same time.
to show you how much I LOVE YOU!!!
but you can only treat me better and not to bully me.

even though you seldom say "i love you".
but i know.
the words are always there.
in every small action of yours.
and that's called YOUR body language.
i don't understand why do i fall in love with a woodblock like you.
but at least,i feel happy and fortunate with you around.
I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND.

2009-02-01T17:42:00.002+08:00

currently munching on pineapple tarts while i am trying to update my blog.

yeah i finally managed to register for class3 basic theory.that blur leah forgot to bring her IC and we waited for her nice sister to bring her IC over.but we still managed to register.12march is the earliest we can get.but nevermind,march is coming soon.

now driving lessons are arranged onto schedule.the next one on plan will be my SAT exam.hmm hopefully i will get to SMU.hai i can sense the financial burden is increasing!!!

yesterday was fun.i went bai nian. went to ws's house and went to his friend's house together with him.wow gamble at his friend's house was fun.but we played until very loud.we played until 5plus am.

sian.tml is monday again.got to start work at 8 30 again. =( boy boy is going outfield from monday to friday.sadded.somemore now he has to book in on every sunday afternoon.no longer is sunday night =( which mean lesser time to be spent with him.

sorry that i throw my temper yesterday again.
thanks for tolerating me.
it is not that i am unreasonable,
always want to quarrel wih you.
it is just that i don't like people to break promises
or do not do things that they have agreed to do.
you will soon to realize that
everytime we quarrel
is all because of all these kinds of trival matters.
i am sorry.
anyways yesterday was fun.
together with you,driving daddy's car out for movie and supper.
thanks.
now every moment with you seem so precious to me.
everyday is going to be so packed with you until march.
i will give you time.
be there with you.
going through all these hard moments with you.
but i know,
there are more to come.
you has to work and study after you ord.
let's promise to bear with each other.
until everything gets stable.
even though you are always the one giving in to me.
i will cherish you and everything you had for me.
you are going outfield tomorrow.
take good care of yourself.
and promise me.no love bites
do drink more water.
i will look forward to next friday.
nice home cook dinner is awaiting.
i love you.

2009-01-24T00:29:00.003+08:00

okay STOP! i know my blog has been kept in the museum for a very long period of time.

let's keep it short.and i promise i try my best to keep it alive.

first,a level has finished a long time ago.and i am really slacking like no one's business.now i cant wait to take back my results,even though i know i did badly.so i have made preparation to retake my a level this year.

"live to the fullest,like the last day before the world ends.love to the maximum like you have never been hurt before.work hard like the last time you are going to do so"

trust me.it is true.work hard for a level and you can enjoy your life after it.but 8months of holidays are far too much.

"got holiday you also complain.no holiday you also complain." --> this is how contradicting i can be (^.^)

second,work.recently i have just started my work in a bank.UOB Bukit Timah Branch.maybe some of you may think "wow,this job is impressive.cool." but let me tell you what i do at work...

i am SLACKING.i was online shopping every day during work.9 to 6.it's really very boring!!!! it may sound good but everyday doing the same thing is so BORING! for the sake of my resume,i shall bear with it.

third,i am feeling STRESS.even though i do not need to go to school anymore.i need to save up for a lot of things =( i am also going to take my SAT.with erwin.

(to erwin:hey bro,you can do it =) so you better don't ps me at the last moment.let's work hard and go into SMU together.)

i am also going to take up driving lessons.argh.everything need $.why cant i be a millionaire?

fourth,i need time.monday to friday 9 to 6 need to go work despite the fact that i am slacking.monday,wednesday and sunday need to teach tuition.tuesday evening badminton.friday evening swimming.sunday morning running.i really wish i have 36hours instead of 24hours.i remember saying it when i was preparing for a level.i needed time to study.but as for now,i need time for myself.i need time for my baobei too.

WAIT.don't mistake.my baobei is my guitar.just started to learn guitar.a new baobei a new motivation.don't ask me why i am learning.it is meant to be a secret.for you to find out,for me to know.

CNY is coming.V day is coming too.the same time last year,i was feeling stress.this year i am going to enjoy it.together with him.

hey you.KOH WEI SHENG
never have a chance to tell you how i feel.
everything seems so sudden.
2007 jan we knew each other at work.
a lot of things happened.
and i used to think that i was only a younger sister to you.
2008 we started to keep in contact.
2009 we are together.officially together.
you are busy protecting the nation.
i am busy working and saving up.for things that we have agreed on.
you and i are always busy.
but promise me,you will take good care of yourself.
we seldom have much time for each other.
saturday and sunday are the only time that we can meet.
i do treasure every moment with you.
even though you are always sleeping.for all the good reasons.
but every moment is so meaningful with you around.
thanks for everything.all these small things.
i promise to be nice to you.
make the nicest dinner.bake the tastiest coffee cake.be the sweetest girlfriend.
and i apologise for all my mood swings.bad temper.laziness.forgetfulness.
i am really sorry.
and thanks for tolerating me.
i love you as much as i love myself.
and do not forget about the things that we have agreed to do together.=)

2008-11-25T15:15:00.002+08:00

wow.one week has passed.a level has finally finished.the sufferings have all ended.but lots of thoughts have went through my mind this week.i am thinking if i should re-sit for my a level because i know the grades will not be that good.

but i have decided.shall leave that to next year march and enjoy myself to the fullest now.i want to play!!! and not going to miss out any fun.

yeah.december is coming soon.winter camp to china is on the way now.so excited.hope to see all the snow.and hope that it will snow on the christmas.

in the past one week,shopping,tanning,baking,setting up my online shop are the first on my to-do list.8months of holidays is more than enough.cant imagine that jc life has ended.one and a half year.it's already over.i still remembered how i whined in my blog and complained about how stress i was and how terrible my school life was.

studying on every sunday with minshan.everyday night study program in school.nice food with my 3girlfriends.i will really miss all these fun after we have graduated.but i know.we will still meet out.food food food!!!

my sister has just graduated from primary school and here am i graduating from jc.time really flies and i really grow old.in the years to come,we will all be in the society.out in the world surviving.18years of youth has passed.all i can describe about my life is just "growing up".meeting different kinds of people,having different kinds of fun and experiences,talking craps with my girlfriends.

how i wish i can just stay at 18 and enjoy my life...

2008-09-12T20:07:00.005+08:00

nothing can be worst than this.

okay.i had worked hard the september holidays.hoping that i can make it for the best during prelims.things turned out bad.i can blame no one.i was sick since sunday(the day before prelims).having all kinds of illnesses.you name it,i got it.fever flu sore throat cough headache.stupid.i didn't prepare for any of the tests since monday.gp math chem econ!!! argh!all important subjects.just hope that i will not fail too badly.

thanks god.at least i am recovering now.feeling much better.hopefully i will recover by this sunday.and have sufficient energy to study for the rest of the exams.

(HEY PEOPLE.do take good care of yourself.we are all left with the last lap.work hard and don't get sick.it's not a good feeling.even though medicine works wonder,it is also very useful in making you sleep.i have tried it.had the medicine before the exam and sleep during the paper!being sick is an awful feeling.especially it is right before the exam.wrap like a rice dumpling 24hours everyday.eating porridge.taste nothing.can't sleep well.one word.awful.so do take care.)

finally.first week of sufferings have ended.and it's friday today.i went ajisen with char leah and minshan for "GOOD FOOD".sadly,everything are tasteless.the food look like nice,but it's just tasteless.i am recovering,but not my taste buds. =( i miss all the good foods.

time to study.

to me,you are always the one i know.
silence is over,the smile is there.

2008-08-28T21:53:00.003+08:00

i just need some silent moments for myself.

lots of things happened these few days.

okay.first,prom night.i have decided not to go.something happened.i have to pay all the expenses for prom all by myself.i feel ashamed to get the money from my parents.i am soon to be a 18years old girl,earning income as a tutor,i see no reason to get money from them.they need the money for some other stuffs too.even thuogh $85 is not ALOT,my classmates did offered to lend it to me first(they are seriously a nice group of people),but i always feel that it's not right to borrow money from others.and as the first daughter,i am obliged to lighten the burden of my parents.so i have decided not to go.

(to char,leah and minshan: thanks for understanding my situation and agree to not to for prom too.i am really sorry.because of me,you all decided to go.and because of me again,you girls didn't have the chance to go.i am sorry.)

(to the class 07s07: i am sorry.i was so enthu at first and persuaded stef they all to go.in the end,they had decided to go.but now,i back out.sorry.the previous time,you guys didn't wanted to go and after all the persuasion,thinking that it's a class thing,that's why you guys go.but now... i am really sorry.i feel bad.because of me,i took away everyone's hope to prom.i feel guilty.i know you all are already being understanding to lend me money,so that i can go for prom.but i hope you guys understand that prom does not only consist of the $85.you have to dress up and stuffs like this.i really can't afford it now.and i can't probably borrow all the money from you guys.thanks for the nice intention.)

and the $85 is far too ex for food like spring rolls,jasmine tea,honeydew sago and roasted chicken etc.we can have it outside at a much lower price.we get the super nice room (grand ballroom),but some kopitiam food?and why didn't we have the chance to choose our choice of hotel this year?last year,the seniors got to choose and they went to swissotel,had Daniel Ong as their DJ and they paid &85 too.now,we pay $85 too.but hilton hotel???so which superstar DJ are we going to have?it's not that i am finding fault on the 9th council.but things just don't seem logical.and during the previous assembly,they did mentioned that the first payment is this week and the second payment will be after our prelims.but some concillors contradict themselves by telling us that we have to pay the full payments by this week.hey i am not rich,and i cant fork out $85 at one go.IT'S SO RIDICULOUS!!!!

(to 07s07: i am not sure if this is workable or not.but some of us did suggested to use the money to go for chalet and book our dinner at some nice restaurant,which in total will cost less than $85.what you guys think?)

second,prelims is coming in 2weeks times,and a level is 2months later.i am stressed.just stress.revision is not yet done,everyone is busy preparing and going at full force.but me?hopeless....

okay.stop.i need to rest.take care.

2008-08-07T18:27:00.004+08:00

i am here to reply to all tags.easier to do it this way.

sk: you want cookies&cakes?i afraid you will have diarrhoea.haha.i am not up to skills to make cakes for others yet.haha

marcus: look at what i wrote for sk.haha.so do you want to have diarrhoea?hmm anyway,thanks for the help.treat you to a meal one day k?remember,SECRET?! haha.shhhh....

valerie: photos?about the past?those days when we always hang out together?omg.i was so ugly.no please.haha how's life?

jen: ya.but it didn't revived for a very long time.haha.

joshua: you want to go to SMU too?work hard okay?i hope to see you there,if I GET IN?! haha but it seem very hard to get into SMU =(

signing off.

2008-08-07T17:52:00.003+08:00

i think he is attached...

hmm got this new blogskin for myself. life is simply too boring now.just black and white.furthermore,i am not in a mood for colourful moments now.cant wait for 17th nov to come and i can go out and shopping!!! yeah =)

this week has been very busy.wed chem mock was an okay paper.because it has similar questions as those in the set of questions for chem band 1.next wed is physics mock.
(to all: all the best to those who are taking physics mock next wed)

wow.time flies.3more months only.i am only left with 3more months to prepare for a level.i feel so left behind.so stress too.can anyone tell me,how to define fully prepared and not yet prepared?i am not sure if i am ready for this major exam.
i feel ashamed to mention this when i keep persuading others to stay.but i am really caught in this dilemma.should i or should i not?people retain because they know that they most probably cant get their aces this year,so stay on for one more year and give themselves one more chance.but what about me?okay,true to say,i don't wish to waste one more year.i rather TRY to take A level and (touchwood!!!) if i do badly next year,i shall take as private candidate.but this journey will not be easy.and i will miss all my besties if i am going to ratain.i have to fufil the pact that char,leah and i have.

"BE ON THE STAGE TO COLLECT OUR CERTS NEXT YEAR!"

it seem so easy to be said than done.okay okay,we shall all work hard now and must not think negatively now.DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY.a smile will make life less stressful.(to char,leah,minshan,xinyi: don't smile until become a lunatic!!!)

finally.there are a long weekend for me to take a breath.life is so boring.i miss J1 life.hmm in fact i should say that i miss secondary school life more.especially those days in our sunshine classroom 4C,where we painted all the walls by our own.in orange and yellow.miss those days.
29th august,teachers' day celebration.calling out to all fuhua 4C.please make some time out and let's go to fuhua k?miss chua is leaving fuhua this year.hope to see you guys there =)

anyway,this year prom night is at hilton hotel.AGAIN!
i had the best night when i was 16.with all the 4C.
i don't wish to change those beautiful memories.
hmm why this year,didn't we get a chance to vote on where we want our prom night to be held?
NOT FAIR NOT FAIR!!! I WANT SWISSOTEL!!!
can't wait to go for prom night.to see everyone in their nicest outfits,take photos and hang out together until the next morning.this year's plan,i am going to book a hotelroom with all my besties and we are going to chat all night.

got to go.need to spend my time wisely and do my work now =) must complete all my work before i can go out for the fireworks this sat.anyway,fireworks on 22nd and 23rd august,anyone interested?msg me. =)

...smile more.

2008-07-27T20:13:00.003+08:00

that smile is back! that smile is back!

it was a wonderful surprise on fri.this friend of mine,who i occasionally post about,said HI to me.it may seem "not a big deal" thing for others.but it is super big deal for me.we have kept silent and treat each other as strangers since 20 feb.and we are finally not strangers now.we may not be friends but at least I GOT THAT SMILE BACK!!! =)

anyway 07s07 went out together yesterday to do a very meaningful thing.WE WENT TO VOLUNTEER FOR TRYBE!!! does anyone has any idea on "thumbs up"?we went to volunteer for the organisation called trybe.and we all went chung cheng high main to help out in a programme called "you can do it".it has been a wonderful day out,except for the waking up at 6am,fetching my friends in cab,forget to take the taxi receipt.i have learnt quite a lot from my lead,RAFFY!!! he is a great guy and teaches me a lot of stuffs.after the programme,shengxun ming leah minshan carina ibro jack guanxian jovan and me went for lunch at parkway parade.we all sat down and talked about our own experiences with the different classes over the lunch.after the lunch,we all took bus966 home.one hour trip to bukit panjang.and all of us slept all the way from east coast to bukit panjang.

i have decided.to join them again.for this kind of meaningful event.

this week has been great.i have received my HSK chinese result slip and I GOT GRADE8!!! 371/400.in fact it was a surprise as i had done the mock paper and i only got 300+.

this week is so stress and i am still left with tonnes and tonnes of homeworks.argh.how i wish i have more time to complete all my work!!!

anyway char has decided.so some words of advice for char.3more months only.so let's work hard together and get our aces k?if you are not performing up to mark,NO GOOD FOOD for you. =)

got to leave now.=( lots of homeworks to be completed.

2008-07-19T13:43:00.003+08:00

it's so hard to move on now.

a level is really the survival of the fittest.

sometimes it's not that we are not putting in effort,not that we are not working hard.it's just that things don't turn out well.what can we do?

some of my friends are hesitating to retain.i don't feel good.but why?i know this journey has been tough for you.but why?we have come so far.3more months to a level.i thought we agreed to work hard together,live for our dream and move on together?i know it's easier to say than done.

but seeing them making this important decision that may change their lives forever,i have the urge to change my mind too.i thought i have been strong.been strong in my decision and want to reach my goal.but i keep seeing people doing extremely well after retaining.i have the urge to do so too.i have no confidence in achieving my triple aces this year for me to get to SMU finances.

i am caught in this dilemma.confused.uncertain.depressed.

i am trying hard.to keep myself going.and motivate them to move on too.

miracles only happen on those who believe in it.

you never try,you never know.

i believe in miracles but i know a level is not all about miracles.i have to work hard.but i am already suffocating.trying hard to take a breath.

this year is really the worst period of my life.

why must we work so hard,just for a cert?for a better future?for our parents?for our dreams?i know cert is what we are longing for.but it's simply too hard to achieve a good grade,a good cert.

in o level,you will know whether you will make it or not.but in a level,even if you work hard,things may not turn out the way you want.i want nothing,but TRIPLE ACES.

"in a level,you are fighting against the elite of the elites for a place in the university."

at that point of time,i sort of regreted coming to a jc.i know that i am not smart.i have to work triply hard,so as to gain a stand.but based on my grades now,i will be very happy if i am able to get BBB in a level.

but that's not what i want...

2008-07-04T20:58:00.003+08:00

completely disappointed.

my cakes are such a failure.they turn out weird and taste wrong too.

so sad and disappointed.

i love baking cakes but just dislike the feeling of your cakes turning out bad.

(goal for the day:bake the best cakes)

2008-06-27T16:17:00.003+08:00

gone case!!!

2more papers to go.chem paper1 and 2 on monday and math paper2 on tues.and 6days of holidays after that.that is what i am looking forward to!!! SHOPPING SHOPPING SHOPPING!!!

econ paper is already bad.this time confirm get scolded by miss wong.

"POOR TIME MANAGEMENT!!!"

haha i didn't got to do one question.sad case.well as for chem paper3,just hope that i can pass.as for yesterday paper(math paper 1),the last question is insane.14MARKS for the last question?!i don't even know how to draw the graph =(

(to charlene:cheer up.it's over.everything will be fine.SMILE!!! =) )

today is my partner's birthday.HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! hope you will enjoy this special day.

(goal for the day: i hate studying.so must love studying.as quoted from the fat dumb lobster.HAHA!)

i am still learning.
learning to let go of you.
learning to walk pass without noticing you.
learning to treat you as a stranger.
learning to erase you from my memories.
you are living well without me.
it is just a dream.
i am still learning.i will and i must.

2008-06-15T00:23:00.003+08:00

there is always a story behind each and everyone of us.

at times,stories are just meant to be kept deep in your heart.no one will know.but if you are willing to share,at least someone will know and is willing to share the burden with you.

tomorrow is father's day.

i met this grandfather and his grandson recently.this grandfather was holding onto the grandson's hand.tight and warm.as an outsider,i can feel the link between them.the protection towards the grandson.but i just can't control my thought but was thinking: will this grandson protect his grandfather in the future,just like how the grandfather is protecting him now?

cold war is like occuring between my daddy and i.i was selected for malaysia National Service.because of forgetfulness,he forget to help me defer.i don't blame him.because it is my responsibility to settle my own matter and i am old enough to do it myself,and i know he is busy with his work too.he comes home everyday with sighs.i know he feels stressed out.

he is getting old.he has strands of white hair.

but i can't bring myself to talk to him.silence...

anyway i was blog-hopping.and came across this blog.rather true.

"blogging is the only way for breathing"

i used to have 3blogs in the past.i read all those blog before i created this.and i realized.blogging is the only proof of the past.i realized how childish i used to be.being in and out of love.taking everything for granted.never reaize the fact that "once it's gone,it's gone forever".maybe blogging is the only way for us to take a breathe out of our busy life and breathe in DEEPLY!

"blogging is the only way to rest"

sometimes blogging is also the only way to show our regrets towards life.

2008 is already half way through.i miss the beginning of the year.ogl camp,orientation,meeting my og group,pae pot-luck and more.it was so fun.and that was how things got started.but it ended in the end.with regrets.people were full of comments.things shouldn't have started at all.at least i don't need to go through all these sufferings.getting into it,being used to the presence of it and getting out of it.but i know.it's all the past now.bravely move on may seem a better option now.everyone has moved on without you.you are again being left at the starting point.no one can help you,except for you yourself.giving up isn't easy at all.holding onto it and continue my life may seem to be an easy way out.

anyway,one more week.mid year exam is starting soon.argh! i just realized that i can't study at all when i am at home.i can feel the stress when i am still left with so much to study.

(goal for the day: mug!!!)

to all fathers: HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

2008-06-08T21:18:00.003+08:00

life wasn't meant to be like this...

life seem much simplier when we were young.

as we get older,things start to pile up.
relationship,friendship,studies,family matters and STRESS!!!

it is a lot.but why does it seem so complicated too?maybe when the amount of choices,that we are provided with,increases,things seem to get more out of hand.

it is not that we are greedy.it's just that we think we can handle it.

"one is never enough when you are able to handle it well.
but one is too much when you fail to do so."

life was simplier when we were young,because we do not get to choose and neither do we have the chance to choose.isn't it good that we are given the chance now?life is so tiring now.every turn you make in your life,you have to choose and have to choose wisely because it is going to have an impact on your life.

i am tired of all these choosing.

in relationship,you have to choose the right man.you will never want that guy to two-time you or fool you around and ditch you when he has enough of the fun.

"is it better to be attached or be single?"
"is it better to be loved or to love someone more?"

in friendship,you have to choose someone who is willing to trust you and stay by you no matter what happens.a friend is someone who is unwilling to believe in his/her ears but believe in his/her eyes.one who does not believe in gossips and rumours but you.

"is it better to have more acquaintances and lesser close friends or to have lesser acquaintances but more closer friends?"

as for studies,in singapore,you can't survive without any cert or education.but life is getting harder and more stressful as you proceed to higher level of education.

A level is my nightmare now!!!

15days to mid year and 130plus days to A level.

"is it better to choose the school that you want or the school chooses who she wants?"

why can't life be simplier?and not with that much of choices.

i want to live the life i want.but it will never be possible.the world does not rotate for me,but for everyone.i have to live in this world together with others and accept everything that i am given with,no matter whether it is good or bad.maybe it is just the process of growing up and learning.

the bad stuffs,that you always hear,are to make you tougher and equip you with the necessary skills as you grow up.

the good stuffs,that you are given with,are to encourage you to move on further on this tiring and stressful road.

how beautiful the world is going to be if all you hear are good stuffs.but it is never possible.humans are borned with a mouth to talk and to comment.but it is not always bad to keep your mouth shut and leave all the thoughts to yourself.

(goal for the day: live for yourself,but not for others.)

2008-06-03T15:19:00.004+08:00

i think i am addicted to "PS I love you"

it's a nice book.but it just make me feel sad.

i have been reading it again and again.trying to read between the lines,trying hard to search for more different meanings in it.

why will we only learn how to appreciate it after we lost something precious?everyone is trying to learn how to live well.but how to live well when she has no life?

holding on will just make you feel worse.letting it go is much harder than what you have expected.

she has been taking things for granted.thinking that they are just meant to be together.but when one gives up and leaves first,leaving another behind,has anyone wonder before how the other person will feel?does anyone understand what she is going through?

she seems to have forgot how to live.

everyone has moved on without her.life is no longer the same.she has got used to keeping her mouth shut,thinking she is a superwoman.and do not allow tears to flow down her cheeks.just refuse to let anyone see the fragile side of hers.words are just too hard to be spoken in words.

shall not be selfish and let him go.memories are just the foot steps of the past.
what others think shall affect her no more.what she needs now is time...

this song suits the story best.

Better in Time-- Leona Lewis
It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remaind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

(goal for the day:maybe this book is meant to be non-friction.learn from it and accept it)

2008-05-30T18:54:00.003+08:00

today will be my doom day.

i took my gsc paper today.i felt quite relieved after the paper but after that i realized i wrote out of point for the compo.no hope for my h1 paper anymore.i don't wish to fail.i don't want miss wong to call my parents.argh.just hope that i will pass.

just like what fanqin says,it is over and must really work very hard for the rest of the 3 h2 subjects.3more weeks left.

anyway,i walked past that friend today.again,no smile exists between us.the fact that friendship is never possible between us and that's the reality.

(goal for the day: study econ! and accept it.)

2008-05-28T17:41:00.005+08:00

i have lost count with the number of days where i didn't updated my blog.but at least i update it TODAY!!!

well.these few days,i have tried different things and experienced different things.

on the 19th may,i went home early to MAKE MY OWN CHOCOLATE!!!for a friend's birthday.well,it's not the first time,but second time.this time,the chocolate tasted different and smell different too.it's not that sweet and smell like dark chocolate.and i didn't mixed with oats,but with corn flakes.and the process of mixing is so tough.it is just impossible to mix hot chocolate with corn flakes and still have crunchy corn flakes.ARGH! so frustrating.

i got back one of my econ test.i passed.FINALLY.14/25.which made me so happy and excited for the whole day.i finally see the light at the end of the dark tunnel.i see hope in passing econ for mid year.must really work very hard.and aim for my C.way to go... ...

then,23th may,we have our gp mid year paper.well expected.i screwed up that paper.just hope that i can pass.and do well for the rest of the papers.anyway i went leah's house today after the gp paper to bake cakes with her.WOW I BAKED CAKES?!

we baked a lot of cakes from 4 to 9.30.one cake for minshan's birthday,10cupcakes for leah and 6cupcakes for THE IDIOT FRIEND.well all the cakes turned out pretty well.but i just don't understand why my cakes suddenly became very oily when i reached home.was it because i added in too much butter?or it is just made to be like this?or was it just the lie my daddy had said?because he was the one who commented on my cupcakes that it was too oily.(maybe it is just too nice that he can't bring it to his mouth to praise me?)i was so sad when he said that.because i don't want my idiot friend to try the oily cake. :( but in the end,i gave my idiot friend the oily cake and the chocolate i made.but i didn't gave away all the 6cupcakes.i only gave 3.because I ATE THE REST!!!hahaha.

minshan's birthday falls on the monday 26th may.we planned a surprise outing for her.we went to sentosa for tanning(when there was no sun! ) and we did a lot of stupid stuffs there.like pretending that we were in hawaii and took all kinds of scenery photos.we were so upset that there wasn't any sun.so we decided to go vivo for the GREAT SINGAPORE SALE!!!

but everything was still so expensive.

leah bought a dress top for $113 from warehouse.but the staff was so nice to give her a 20% discount SECRETLY.and i forgot what the rest bought.

as for me,i bought a $88 bag.but i only paid $44.such a good bargain.somemore it was from forever21.and a L size dress top for $43(no discount for this).

okay okay.that's all for the shopping spree.i am going for more.but next time.too broke to go now.

anyway i got to stop now.that irritating yijie wants to take photos with my lappy.IN SCHOOL!!! when she is supposed to study for her physics paper.

(goal for the day: save up for more shopping spree!)

2008-05-16T23:04:00.003+08:00

a week has passed.finally.

monday

just received a last minute notice that we have to hand in our project iCAN video by this wednesday.omg i have not even started.so anum,rachel and i went to hillgrove today and try to get it over and done with.mrs tham was so nice to fetch us from school.and we were shocked when we reached there.realized that the Technical Assistant of hillgrove had just resigned last fri.

then what happened to all our videos and photos? we went around the school,asking for help and try to retrieve all the videos and photos.that new Technical Assistant of hillgrove was so "LAW BY LAW". but he was nice to help us to transfer all the documents into our thumbdrives even though he refused to let us go into the com lab.we spent 5hours in hillgrove without doing any video.suddenly feel so helpless.

it is so hard to ask a technology noob like me to prepare a video.everything seems so stranger to me.but glad that i have finished the video.on time too.

tuesday

MRS TAY IS SUCH A GOOD TEACHER!!! everything seems so easy and simple after she had explained the nitrogen compound questions to minshan and i.how i wish i can really score well for chem MYE and maybe at least a B?

don't want to disappoint her again..and tomorrow is chem skill A exam.my doom day?!=(

wednesday

lessons just go as usual.but the assembly is an interesting one.it's on love and relationship.the speakers taught us how to show our love to others and how to differentiate between love,infatuation and lust.so as usual.leah,char and i did a lot of stupid stuffs during the assembly,despite how nervous we were feeling for the chem skill A exam after the assembly.

that is how wonderful friendship is.we cheer each other on and make one smile with all the silly actions.

back to the assembly.one of the speakers mentioned this: love is the best thing you could give to your beloved.everyone went out of love before and did feel depressed about it.

love is about "just admiting it and be honest about it."

"so no point pretending that you are happy and lie that you have ALREADY got over him.stop lying to yourself and be true about it.it's never shameful to admit that you still like him and still think of him.
JUST GIVE IT TIME!!! give yourself a chance to let it go."

it do sound cliche to say this.but time is always the best solution of all.all these lovey matters do not have a solution to it,neither do it have medicine or magic portion to cure it.maybe feelings and relationship do fade with time?

(to my besties: when the time ripes,i will get rid of that ugly,short and useless little finger of mine.what's not mine will never be mine.since that little finger is not doing anything,maybe life will be better without it?but again,TIME!!!)

well well.let's leave that topic aside.next,chem skill A exam.

mrs tay has freaked us out and has encouraged us a lot.sound rather contradicting though.she told us that we are only allowed to take skill A once in our lifetime.omg.what if i fail and what should i do?when opportunity only knocks once and i am not allowed to retake again?but she did encouraged us too.she said that we have done very well in all our practices.fret not and we are going to do well this time too.just hope that it will be true.

but i just can't control my emotions.i was feeling stressed and depressed half an hour before the exam.and I FORGOT ALL THE STUFFS THAT I HAD TO REMEMBER!!! my mind was completely blank and can't even recalled a single word when leah tested me.does that mean that i am going to fail?hope not...

thanks to char,leah and minshan.

all because of them,i get to remember all my stuffs in time.they created all weird hand signs for me,so as to remind myself what to write in the exam.and it do work!!!you girls are amazing.

woohoo.chem SPA has finally ended.no more practical.YEAH!!! no more memorizing of stuffs.i hate memorizing and to those who know me,definitely know that i am not at a very good term with that memorizing thing.

it's going to be a long day today.lessons are over,chem SPA is over and the next "highlight" of the day is project iCAN meeting.videos are supposed to be handed in today.well all the peer coaches are done with their videos,except for rachel.so we played in the loft,enjoying the air-con,while waiting for her.time passes fast without us realizing it.we played until 7pm! we played bingo on the board in the loft and drawed animals which don't even look like animals at the first place.IT'S SO FUN!!! =)

(to all 08 peer coaches: let's meet out more often and have fun together.)

thursday

finally had my 2.4km run today.13min 46sec. i nearly died after the run.my classmate said that i looked so pale after the run. well,because of that old injury,my calf hurt when i was running.somemore ai yue can't pace with me today.but CHAR and MINSHAN did.they both took turns to pace me for the run.so nice right?don't know why.i ran very slow for the first 5rounds,as a result,i took around 1min 50sec to run the last round in order to get my A.and I DID.30marks,full marks!!! i'm so happy.=)

after the run,i stayed back with my mugging partner,YIJIE to mug.exams are coming real soon.1more months?got to work hard.all the best,partner.then we also talked about some other stuffs.

(to her: i think everyone deserve a second chance.no point making groundless conclusion based on what you have heard.maybe that person is good?remember what i said before.in a world like this,the starting products will never be the same as the ending products.no point thinking of what people have said.don't be affected by those stupid comments.only those who truly don't understand you, will then make all those comments.just be yourself and know what you really want.you are the one who is making the decision.no one can help you in doing that. think carefully and never give yourself a chance to regret in what you have decided on.SMILE ^.^)

friday

i got back my gsc compo test today.i failed.it's really time for me to buck up.

anyway i went out with lunch with leah,char,minshan and jack today.FOOD IS SO NICE!!! okay i shall just admit it.i am a glutton.that stupid leah and minshan were still making fun of me that i woke up from my sleep upon hearing them talking about food during econ lecture.

(to leah and minshan: you two are so evil!!!)

well during the lunch,we "brain washed" jack.you can just imagine how noisy the situation is when a guy hangs out with 4girls who talk non-stop.and i have realized quite a lot of stuffs during this lunch session.

life requires one to be sensitive to others' thoughts and feelings.life needs changes.so do us.at times,being insensitive can hurt and irritate others.maybe one sentence,which means nothing much,will hurt someone to a large extent.to some,they may just think that they are borned this way and they will continue to be in this way.well this is not going to work in this society.and in this society,ABSOLUTE TERMS are seriously a NO NO!never jump into conclusions before you really know what is going on and what the truth is.

and i have another question.how can two items with the same features can look so different?is it because of how it is being created and structured?since they have the same features,why one can be a luxury good and the other be an unknown compound?is it because how it is being packaged,cause a difference too?does looks really matter that much?what is more superior than looks?maybe to some,looks are really everything and that is how their first impressions are based on.

next,project iCAN meeting.we gathered together today to prepare some momentoes for our mentees.it was so fun.cutting and pasting.but ...

IT'S A BAD PEER COACHES' DAY!!!

leah left without bringing her laptop home.i lost my ez link card.

that forgetful leah left her macbook with me and went home without getting back from me.before i realized it,she already boarded the bus.and i can't contact her too. that stupid lousy phone of hers.so we went all the way out just to pass her back her macbook.then when i boarded the bus,i realized MY EZ LINK card is not in my wallet,neither it is in my bag.i was freaked out.but leah,zhiying and jas were so nice to walk all the way back with me to school from phoenix LRT station.we searched every possible corners and even went to the General Office to ask sbout it.we also went to the coffee shop where i had my lunch in the afternoon.i was so sure that i had misplaced it because i thought i saw it in my bag before going for my lunch.i was so anxious.in the end,i gave up and went home.on the way back,i kept thinking of where on the earth my ez link card was at now.then i suddenly recalled.maybe i left it in my math file at home?because i also didn't use my card in the morning,that's why i am not sure too.then when i reached home,i dashed in just to find my card.guess what.I FOUND IT!!! yeah i didn't lost it,no need to pay $20 to make my ez link card again.

(to the 3girls: thanks for walking back with me and search for my ez link card for me,when you all are already so hungry.SORRY.)

tomorrow is pj college day and I HAVE TO GO.i don't want to go.it's going to be so boring and i could have done something more productive at home rather than going for that event.it is going to start at 3pm and ends at 5pm =( but we have promised mdm low that we will go tomorrow.well a promise is always a promise.shall pull myself there tomorrow.but what makes me look forward to tomorrow is that i am going to have dinner gathering with leah and them.it's going to be so fun.

somemore we will have a long weekend this week.YEAH!!!

got to stop here now.it is too much.too much to be a post of A DAY.

(goal for the day: stop being so absent-minded.)

2008-05-09T22:41:00.006+08:00

there are too much things for me to handle.

wednesday:
i had my chem test today and i only realized my careless mistakes after the test.just hope that i will not fail that time.

next,our last match for this year tournament.well i admit.i was so lazy and so reluctant to go today.because there are far too much homeworks.i am being buried by all these homeworks.but at least i went.for my team mates,for my team.i played the third single today.it was so stress for me because our results for the first 4plays was 2-2.i am the last player of the match.but i lost.even though my team mates said that it's okay and it's true that my opponent is a tough one to play with.but this was a very important match for us and we all know.sorry that i didn't put in enough effort to train for single and as a result,i lost the match.sorry.

(to pj girls shuttlers: i am sorry that i lost and because of me,we can't win NJC this year.sorry)

thursday:
math.i am lagging behind with all my math revision packages and tutorials.binomial and poisson.ARGH!!! they are so confusing.

chem.i wonder if i am doing the right way for my skill A.mrs tay has been "drawing" on my script and most probably i did it in the wrong way.I WANT TO GET MY LEVEL8!!!

econ.i am starting to love what i am doing during econs.econs seems easier now.but i am still afraid of mid year exam.don't want to flunk again.

nothing much for today.but just school works.school works and more school works!!!

friday:
MY TOOTH HURTS!!!
i can't stand it anymore.i went to the dentist today and received a horrible news.i skipped gp lesson today together with charlene so as to go to find a dentist.

(to charlene: you are so nice to go with me.thanks lots.because i am so afraid of dentist and going for dental check up alone.thanks bestie!but sorry that you have to skip gp lesson too.)

we went CCK polyclinic first,but it has closed down since 1 february 2008.so we went to CCK area to look for a dental clinic.we first went into a GYNAE CLINIC.because we saw the board outside saying that it's a dental clinic.the nurse was so shocked to see us in there.haha
then we realized that the dental clinic is at the other end.we went in during the dentist's lunch break and she still attended to me.she is so nice!! =) i told the dentist how painful my tooth was.and after the check up,she told me that I HAD GUM INFECTION! i always thought that my wisdom tooth was growing.that's why it hurt so much.but it wasn't the truth.she said it was rather dangerous for me if i am not going to seek treatment asap so she suggested that i should go for root canal or extraction of tooth.but i need the permission of my parents because i am not 21years old yet.

(for your info: Endodontic therapy is a sequence of treatment for the pulp of a tooth whose end result is the elimination of infection and protection of the decontaminated tooth from future microbial invasion. Although this set of procedures is commonly referred to as a root canal, this term is imprecise; root canals and their associated pulp chamber are the anatomical hollows within a tooth which are naturally inhabited by nerve tissue, blood vessels and a number of other cellular entities, whereas endodontic therapy includes the complete removal of these structures, the subsequent cleaning, shaping and decontamination of these hollows with the use of tiny files and irrigating solutions and the obturation, or filling, of the decontaminated root canals with an inert filling, such as gutta percha and a usually eugenol-based cement. After the surgery the tooth will be "dead", and if the infection is spread at apex - root end surgery is required.)

but both cost a lot.i was wondering which one should i go for.and it's time for me to cut down on my shopping spree and save up for my dental treatment.

root canal --- around $750 to $1000++
extraction of tooth --- around $100++

root canal is more for the long term.as for the tooth extraction,it will brings along with quite a number of disadvantages.like for example,because i am extracting the last tooth in my bottom row of teeth(molar),so if i extract out that tooth,all the teeth will have the possibility of moving backward and i will have spaces in between the teeth.which is going to be SO UGLY!!!that's why if i am going for tooth extraction,i will have to put braces after that.which is going to cost me another $3000++.somemore braces hurt too.i don't want the ulcers.

argh.how i wish the money will just drop from the sky.got to save up so much now.i still want to buy my phone in june.well i shall wait and see how then.as for now,i am on medication.and shall wait till i have enough money to go for either one of the treatments.i shall not depend on my parents anymore.their financial burdens are increasing too.shall support myself with the miserable amount that i have earned in giving tuition.

IT HURTS SO MUCH NOW THAT MY GUM IS SWOLLEN!!! well i shall now brush my teeth more often.like 5times a day?brush after every meal?i think i am crazy.

the dentist also said that i need to avoid solid food and sweet stuffs.but FOOD IS MY LIFE.how am i going to live without all those sweet stuffs,like chocolate?argh.i want my chocolate,marshmallows and more sweets!

carina,charlene,leah,minshan and i went to lot1 for our lunch after my dental consultation.they forced me to eat porridge.argh! i want my japanese cuisine,i want my pepper lunch,i want everything except PORRIDGE!somemore my daddy still bought me porridge for dinner.I DON'T LIKE PORRIDGE!!!

(to the four listed above: shall we go for lunch on every friday?just like what we did today?it's so fun! =) and thanks for monitoring me and controling me so as to stop me from eating those undesired food and those i am not supposed to eat.)

tomorrow finally is a SATURDAY!!! but i think i shall stay at home and give my tooth a day off.the pain is just simply killing me!

leave the irritating tooth aside.the next topic of the day is on our life.

question: what exactly do we work hard for?
answer: a good uni cert?a good future?for our parents?

for me,my answer will be none of the above.i don't know what i am working for.but the only thing i know is that our lives are just planned in this manner.as to survive in this realistic world,you have to study.because it's the survival of the fittest.many say that jc life will be the worst of your life.i agree.it's only May now ans teachers are going so fast that i can't even catch up with the class.5more months.just 5more months.everything will be over soon and the fun will rule your life instead of studies

(to all: everything,no matter how hard and sad it is now,will pass and be over soon.WAY TO GO,PEOPLE!!!)

well i think this post is too long for the day.so i shall stop here and time for my medicine!

(goal for the day: hope that my tooth will recover soon and i don't need to go for that expensive treatment.)

2008-05-06T15:15:00.003+08:00

SHE brighten up my day.yes it's a SHE!!!

well she is my eating partner(MINSHAN) and she did something sweet today.she wrote me a letter and there it goes:

a bell is not a bell,
until someone rings it.
a song is not a song,
until someone sings it.
please do not bury your feeling.
Because love is not love,until someone receives it.

well i seriously need to calm myself down and find out what i really want in my life.

3aces?SMU Finance Faculty?Top 10 improved students?

i need to work hard to achieve all these.i know it's hard.but if i am willing to put in the effort,i think i can make it through.

i have been spending 25/24 hours of my day,preparing for A level.but it just don't seem productive.and it seem that i am just having the quantity of studying,not the quality of working hard.

slow and steady.one step at a time.

i want to play.i want to shop.i want to relax and enjoy my life.i want to go to Hong Kong and shop like there is no tomorrow...

i want.i want.i want.

just like what Mrs Tay has said."do you want to work hard for the rest of the 5months and enjoy the rest of your life?or do you want to enjoy this 5months and work hard the rest of your life?

obviously.i will choose the first option.

but i need a miracle to score well.

but i know.again behind this miracle,you need to work hard and create a chance for it to happen.

a piece of encouragement to all people who are trying to work hard just like i do:
time is running out.but don't fear.because what it matters is the process of studying and not the result of it.but i know,just like what charlene has said,in this cruel and realistic world,nothing matters as much as a piece of cert.even though this sounds rather contradicting,we still have to accept it.the only way to keep us going on this tough A level route is to view this whole thing in an optimistic way and believe it ourselves.trust that you can do it.

(goal for the day: take off that mask which is faking the smile.the true smile in life is to enjoy every moment of your life and love what you are doing.)

2008-05-05T17:52:00.003+08:00

it's not my day today.

today had started off with econ test.bad bad bad.i think i misinterpreted the question.what's the domestic economy?singapore?china?or America?i think i am going to flunk this test.most probably i will just get 7/25?it's just so bad.

next,math lecture.i just can't understand what the lecturer is talking about.binomial distribution?poisson distribution?normal distribution?can anyone just be kind and tell me what is the difference between all these three?

i am dying.can't catch up with all these anymore.and i finally realized something.homeworks are not meant to be left to the next day.because we have homeworks everyday and they will just piled up continuously.and it's just impossible to finish all in one day.so let's take a step at a time and try to finish it slowly.

time is no longer at my side.

just receive my mid year exam schedule today.the sad thing:exams are starting soon.i got to get myself started and this time,no last minute work is allowed.

gp: 23rd may 2008
gsc: 30th may 2008
econ P1 and P2: 24th june 2008
chem P3: 25th june 2008
math P1: 26th june 2008
chem P1 and P2: 30th june 2008
math P2: 1st july 2008

the good thing is that exams only start after the june holiday.which means i have more time to study?and something to look forward to it.I HAVE NO SCHOOL ON THE 2ND JULY AND ALL THE WAY TO 7TH JULY!!! yeah.shopping shopping and more shopping.

school work aside.as for now,badminton first.we played against raffles today and i played the first doubles with yanling.well as what we expected.5-0 raffles won.as for our doubles match,21-2 and 21-3.

even though we have expected all these,i still feel sad.today's match make me realize a lot of things and see things clearer in a different point of view too.

a smile is what you deserve after fighting for it.

teardrops are for the guilt and regrets you feel for not putting in enough efforts.

a frown is when you work hard for it and people don't appreciate it.

happiness and joy are what you share with your friends and team-mates after working hard together.

cheerings are the best present you can give to your friends and team-mates so as to keep them going.

at times,in our lives,we just need someone to be there to give us supports and encouragements.remember?we are a team.

a team is a group of people who work together towards the same goal,regardless of the differences between us,and keep encouraging each other.

nothing can break a team apart,but if by its own people,it can.

even though we have lost 2matches.let's work hard for the last match.

GO!!! PJ GIRLS SHUTTLERS!!!

well let's leave that aside.someone has brighten up my day by telling me that WE ARE GOING TO THE ZOO!!! yeah.i am going to the zoo.

got to stop here now.anyway i need to thanks several people today.they really keep me going and cheer me up when i am down.

(to minshan: thanks for sponsoring me with so much food and keep me awake in those boring lessons and lectures.)

(to charlene and leah: thanks for keeping me entertained by drawing so many pictures in my lecture notes and always be there for me.as i always say,life will no longer be the same without you two crazy bums. ^.^)

(goal for the day: do my homework,start preparing for mid year exam and CHEER UP.)

2008-04-30T21:47:00.004+08:00

where should i start?

well we lost the match yesterday.vs meridian jc 5-0.coach said that we at least can take them down by one.but we didn't.maybe we should try harder the next round.

(to pj shuttlers girls: next round vs raffles. even though we may not win,let's play in a relaxing mode k?and enjoy ourselves =) )

went hougang sports hall yesterday for the tournament and saw valerie there.my secondary school good friend.well at times friends really need to keep in contact.i miss all my secondary school good friends.maybe we are all busy with our jc stuffs.a quote just came across my mind: a stranger is a friend you yet to meet.at times,a smile will brighten up one's day.a smile will bring people closer to one another.a smile will turn strangers into friends.

a smile..a smile..a smile..

recently i just lost a friend.who claimed to be friends regardless of what had happened between us.after that incident,we are always trying to avoid each other.but why?i thought we are supposed to be friends?and we are acting that we are strangers?the smile no longer exists between us.

(to all my friends: let's meet out one day and catch up with one another.friendship does not fade with time =))

(to that friend: what had happened is already over.i really hope that we can seriously still be friends and let the smile returns.hope everything goes well for you.and do take care.)

and i just found a friend who like shopping as much as i do.another crazy shopper.CATHERINE!!! she is the one.one of the shuttlers too.just got to know that she is just another impulsive shopper just like i do and we have agreed to go out together for A MADNESS SHOPPING TRIP and CHOCOLATE FEAST!!!we both love chocolate and sweet teeth are all we have.

and guess who i saw at Lot1 just now? MR GO TIEN LYE!!!my secondary4 math teacher.he was with his family and CALEB IS SO CUTE!!!

as for today,i am SO tired.falling asleep in almost every lesson.

(to mrs tay,my chem tutor: sorry if i have not been paying attention in class.and you have realized it.)

i seriously seriously need some sleep.i was so tired after the NAPFA 5 stations and tournament yesterday.but after all,it all worth it.I GOT 5A IN ALL MY 5 STATIONS!!!

got some rest in the break time.and a misunderstanding occurred in gp lesson after that.an unintended comment made our gp tutor very annoyed with us.maybe we are really very unsensitive about topics like this.

mdm yaty made a comment: ignorance is a bliss.it is good when you do not know anything and you will not be hurt. it is bad when you don't know anything and you don't catch the idea.

i made a stupid mistake.i thought what she said is relevant to our lesson and kept asking mdm yaty to repeat again.but i neglected her feelings and didn't know that she was angry with us.so charlene asked me to stop.i thought i was the cause of this whole matter and got very affected by it.i cried.not for what charlene said but for my stupidity.

(to charlene: maybe i really think too much about that "STOP" comment.sorry.i admit at times i am really very insensitive about this kind of things and quite slow in realizing the situation.but thanks for explaining to me and at least i feel better now =) )

(to leah: thanks for the message.it's okay that you have to leave early today.and at least i understand the situation now.it's always wonderful to have you both around to explain things to the blur queen who is typing this post now.)

for the benefit of leah,i decided to update her about the assembly via this post.we are going to propose some CIP or even voluntary works so as to earn us a place in the 10% exceptional places in the universities.shengxun said that he wants to go to the orphanage.charlene and i wanted to go to SPCA and help out.as for me particularly,I WANT TO GO ZOO AND BIRDS' PARK!!! i really miss these two places.my last trip there was 6years ago.and carina wanted to go there and see the BABOONS!!!so where would you prefer?zoo zoo zoo?!

TOMORROW IS LABOUR DAY!!! so people,let's stop work for a day and enjoy this public holiday.but homeworks homeworks homeworks?! =( i need to do a lot of stuffs tomorrow.

well got to stop for now.and time to get some sleep.

(goal for the day: to have enough time to complete my work and get some sleep.)

2008-04-28T19:34:00.003+08:00

Another day has passed. as usual. a stressful day.lots of homeworks to be completed.math.chem.econs.gsc.gp.

i feel suffocated.I NEED SOME AIR!!! however, that crazy leah and that mad charlene are just the entertainment of my boring life.

(to leah and charlene: i can't wait anymore.i want to go SHOPPING!!!and buy a lot of stuffs.anyway remember to control me on that day,if not i am going to exceed my budget)

in fact i need more sleep.i look more like a panda than a student now.well i am wondering why i am sleeping late everyday.mugging?

anyway the mugging session with my eating partner on sunday is so INTERESTING! full of food.we spent $14 to buy snacks ONLY.i think we are getting fatter and going to fail our NAPFA tomorrow?no no no.i still want my gold award!!!

(to my eating partner: hey don't eat too much of snacks.you are still coughing.so please leave ALL the snacks to me ^.^ )

The day has finally come.tomorrow will be the starting of the tournament.hope we can get into the Top8 this year again.badminton is my dream,my life and my desire.

(to all pj shuttlers: let's work hard together and smash it hard.WE SHALL OWN THE SHUTTLE COURT!)

got to stop here for today.i felt so tired after coming back from my training.seriously need a rest.

(to all: i am currently looking for a wallet for my dad.can anyone tell me where can i get a nice wallet?my budget is from $0 to $150.all suggestions will be appreciated.thanks.)

(goal for the day: win the match tomorrow.)

2008-04-26T18:23:00.005+08:00

i've finally decided to give my blog a new life,a new look. that's why she is back here.

j2 life has been so stress that i can't even take a moment out to breathe.

quite a lot of problems came along with the starting of my j2 life.relationship.studies.school commitments.friends.family.it was really hard for me to handle until i decided to take a step at a time after hearing to what my besties have said.

i've been holding onto those memories and make myself feel worse.just like what charlene has said,"don't be so stupid and just move on." Well it's quite true though.why make myself suffer by holding on to those useless memories?even though memories are priceless,it's still not going to get me anywhere.a good A level grade is all i need now.

(charlene and leah: thanks for being there for me.you girls have really been the best miracle i ever experienced in my jc life.all i need now is time.maybe i should really learn to let go as time passes.if you two have not been realizing,you both bring laughter,MADNESS,happiness,CRAZINESS,motivation,encouragement to my life.as quoted from leah: let's all work hard together and next year we shall all get our certs on the stage.)

common test has just passed and coming up next,it's the mid year exam.i am only left with 60days to prepared my mid year and 180days for my A level.believe it or not.opportunity only knocks by once and i really got to work hard to get into SMU.

but i am already so tired of my life now.lacking of energy.reaching home almost 7pm everyday.CCA,project ICAN,mugging sessions and more.homeworks have been piling up.

"I NEED 34HOURS TO FINISH MY STUFFS, NOT 24HOURS!"

i hope i am catching up with my work and getting really prepared for my A level.well i just got back my gsc test yesterday.from an E in common test to an A in the test.it really surprised me and has motivated me more.the next step in my life now is to LOVE ECONS AND DO WELL FOR ECONS!!!

let's leave relationship aside and concentrate on my studies.17th november 2008 will be the day of freedom.so we shall look forward to it.

(to him: if you didn't sense my love for you yet, let me tell you: i do and i still do.)

however,studies still come first.rather contradicting right?but he had been, he is and he will be my motivation to study.

STUDY STUDY STUDY!!! shall not disappoint my parents again and give my CT another chance to call my dad.as what charlene has said," at times,working hard doesn't mean you will get the results." But i promise to work hard,harder and hardest to give myself a chance in life.and prove to my CT that tuition will not work!

shall stop here for today,going to mug now and more mugging sessions with my eating partner(MINSHAN) tomorrow!!!

(goal for the day: love econs and at least get a C for econs mid year)